Today was the culmination of 5 days hard work organising and scheduling all sorts of things, whilst trying to make sure everything has been remembered. It all came together this afternoon, things clicked into place and I’m pleased to say Jenny made it home to our house at 4.30pm.
The day started with Gemma, Cathy and I meeting, at our house, with the vicar who will conduct Jenny’s funeral on Wednesday. The meeting, which lasted 90 minutes, was very constructive with the order of service compiled with little fuss as we had thought through our wishes as the week had progressed. Richard is standing in for the normal vicar, who is on holiday next week, and was happy to work with our ideas as well as suggest some things we hadn’t thought about.
We were expecting the coroner’s verdict around 3:30pm which left us little time left in the working day to ensure Jenny would make it home for the weekend, so when I received a call at 1:15pm explaining Jenny had been cleared for burial, it was all systems go as she was expected home around 4-5pm. We walked the dogs and met with the funeral directors before she finally arrived at 4:30pm.
The casket is truly amazing and Gemma and Helen had made a fantastic choice in Germany. Due to its size it proved a tight squeeze but the casket just made it through the rear patio windows (it did require me and my tape measure to make sure things would fit!) The dining room was arranged, with the casket positioned under the large mirror and Jenny was finally checked before I was allowed to see her.
She looks amazing and so beautiful in the dress that Gemma has chosen. The undertakers have done an amazing job and got her make-up just right (they didn’t even have a photo to work from). She looks so peaceful with all the pain and stress finally removed from her face.
How do I feel? This week has all been about organising her arrival home and the arrangements for her funeral and it feels like we have successfully achieved the first of those. There is a huge sense of relief amongst us all that she is now home and I personally have taken great comfort from being in her presence. I fully understand that she has died, but also feel she is here with us and it’s brought a sense of “warmth” back to our house – it now feels like a home again.
My mum and her friend June (a regular contributor to this blog) came around this evening to spend some time with Jenny and us, over a glass of wine and we managed to recreate some of the feeling we had last Saturday night following Jenny’s death when we were sat around chatting in Germany, eating pizza, with Jenny lying in the bed. It’s a very difficult feeling to convey accurately unless you have experienced it before, but it just felt appropriate and comfortable.
This is the first day I’ve felt comfortable blogging in a similar vain to the posts I was writing in Germany and it will be interesting, for both you and me, as to how I feel about communicating my feelings and experiences of the next few days. Time will tell.