Home Sweet Home

Today was the culmination of 5 days hard work organising and scheduling all sorts of things, whilst trying to make sure everything has been remembered. It all came together this afternoon, things clicked into place and I’m pleased to say Jenny made it home to our house at 4.30pm.

The day started with Gemma, Cathy and I meeting, at our house, with the vicar who will conduct Jenny’s funeral on Wednesday. The meeting, which lasted 90 minutes, was very constructive with the order of service compiled with little fuss as we had thought through our wishes as the week had progressed. Richard is standing in for the normal vicar, who is on holiday next week, and was happy to work with our ideas as well as suggest some things we hadn’t thought about.

We were expecting the coroner’s verdict around 3:30pm which left us little time left in the working day to ensure Jenny would make it home for the weekend, so when I received a call at 1:15pm explaining Jenny had been cleared for burial, it was all systems go as she was expected home around 4-5pm. We walked the dogs and met with the funeral directors before she finally arrived at 4:30pm.

The casket is truly amazing and Gemma and Helen had made a fantastic choice in Germany. Due to its size it proved a tight squeeze but the casket just made it through the rear patio windows (it did require me and my tape measure to make sure things would fit!) The dining room was arranged, with the casket positioned under the large mirror and Jenny was finally checked before I was allowed to see her.

She looks amazing and so beautiful in the dress that Gemma has chosen. The undertakers have done an amazing job and got her make-up just right (they didn’t even have a photo to work from). She looks so peaceful with all the pain and stress finally removed from her face.

How do I feel? This week has all been about organising her arrival home and the arrangements for her funeral and it feels like we have successfully achieved the first of those. There is a huge sense of relief amongst us all that she is now home and I personally have taken great comfort from being in her presence. I fully understand that she has died, but also feel she is here with us and it’s brought a sense of “warmth” back to our house – it now feels like a home again.

My mum and her friend June (a regular contributor to this blog) came around this evening to spend some time with Jenny and us, over a glass of wine and we managed to recreate some of the feeling we had last Saturday night following Jenny’s death when we were sat around chatting in Germany, eating pizza, with Jenny lying in the bed. It’s a very difficult feeling to convey accurately unless you have experienced it before, but it just felt appropriate and comfortable.

This is the first day I’ve felt comfortable blogging in a similar vain to the posts I was writing in Germany and it will be interesting, for both you and me, as to how I feel about communicating my feelings and experiences of the next few days. Time will tell.

Categories: KTF | 9 Comments

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9 thoughts on “Home Sweet Home

  1. Perelandra Beedles

    Hi Andy
    I am so glad Jenny is back home with you. Thankyou for continuing the blog. At times like these you dont want to intrude and yet Jenny is so much in our thoughts its good to still hear from you. I am so glad to see where you are holding the wake. A place of such happy memories for you both, so fitting. Lovely that the dogs will be there too. Sending you love.
    Pere and Nick
    x

  2. Jill hamiltn

    She looks so beautiful, love you both heaps. Xxx

  3. Emma Rusling

    Andy, I’m so relieved for you that Jenny is back home with you and her family where she belongs. I can’t even put into words how unbelievably amazing I think you are and I know we both will be so glad to see you on Tuesday.

    Love and prayers always to you and Jen’s family…..and Marge and Mabes too of course……xx

    • Tommy and Pam

      Andy
      We are just absolutely devastasted for the loss of your beautiful wife, partner and friend. Our life has being greatly enriched for having met Jenny and yourself. The time that we shared with you at the clinic was full of fun with plenty of laughter even whilst we were all still fighting our own personal battles. I will always treasure these memories as Jenny and yourself had such a significant impact on our lives which we are truly grateful for. Jenny is a true inspiration and she was blessed to have you by her side throughout her journey fighting this terrible disease. We are still coming to terms with this sad and heart breaking loss of someone so special. All our love to you Andy, Gemma and families
      Tommy and Pam and Karina xxx

  4. June

    Andy,
    Your Beautiful Warrior Princess and the love of your life is home with you…I feel humbled by your courage and indeed privileged to have shared a very precious time with Jenny and you all last evening, even the doggies stayed close to Jen…who will continue to be an inspiration to us all….
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxKTFxxxxxxxxxxxx

  5. Laura Oakley

    Andy and Gemma
    Glad that your beautiful princess is back home with you and that you are able to feel the warmth of her presence. That will echo whenever you look at pictures of her, or see a dress or a bag she would have loved, or a song you shared, or any of those thousands of minutae that are the essence of Jenny. Let these things wash over you and eventually they will give you peace. Initially it will cause that tightening that you battled against for so long now, but it really does get easier, and a happier feeling to accept.
    This blog is amazing, and as so many have said, should eventually be published. A fitting legacy for such a strong, brave, truly inspirational family. Be there for each other as I know you will.
    Love and hugs
    Laura Oakley X X X

  6. fiona blackie

    Andy and Gemma,

    I can’t begin to say how sorry and shocked I am. I can’t begin to imagine what you have all been through. Andy, your words and strenght continue to be inspirational and have actually helped me tonnes.

    I am absolotuely gutted and just hope I will stop crying at some point.

    My sister (who you guys met breifly at the clinic) just found out and told Mike who has just broken the news to me gently.

    Beautiful Jenny, you and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers as I am sure will be the case of everyone at the clinic. Jenny is and will continue to be such an inspiration to me and I loved every moment I spent with her.

    Mike is gutted and will be in touch.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  7. Jo

    Andy, your strength and courage amaze me. I can’t even begin to imagine what your thoughts and feelings are right now.
    I’m so glad that you’re able to continue writing this blog and keep us all informed of everything.
    I’m glad our Jen is home and looking lovely and glad that you are getting comfort from her being there.
    You have got so much support around you which you are definitely going to need over the coming months.
    You, Cath & Gem have yet again been an inspiration to us all and I’m very proud to know you all.
    I will see you and our Jen on sat.
    Lots of love
    Jo
    Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  8. Gail

    Have just got home from a shift from hell and this post as others have in the past, brings me right back down to planet earth Andy. Ive followed yours and Jen’s journey since we met not so long ago as you know always Keeping the Faith for both you and Jen and your families x They never ever cease to humble and inspire me. I do understand exactly what you mean about the feeling of comfort having Jen home and she’ll be just as pleased to be there with here nearest and dearest who she fought so hard to stay with. You are a beautiful family and together again so its natural to feel the way you do, bet her little babies are made up too xxxxx Thinking of you all xxxxxx

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