The Post I Hoped I´d Never Have to Write

I am alone in the room that Jenny and I have shared for the past 9 weeks, writing this blog post.  It is a post I hoped I’d never have to write, but over the last 3 months I’ve known deep down that writing it could be a very real possibility.

Jenny & HarryAfter nearly 4 years of courageous and inspirational fighting, my Jenny died at 5.30pm GMT yesterday (18th February) here at the clinic in Germany with Gemma, Cathy, Helen & I.  I had rehearsed how this could all pan out many times, and my defence mechanisms had been sitting to one side in anticipation of her death – how I thought I’d feel and how I actually feel aren’t that different but very little prepares you for the physical and emotional rollercoaster that I’m experiencing right now – just about holding it together.

This will be the last time I’m in this room and it feels appropriate to spend it writing my final post here in Germany.  It has been our home for the last 9 weeks and we have shared many happy times with tons of incredible people here and in some way I’ll miss it – it’s become a little bit of a home from home.  I’ll blog more about this in a future post.

The next few days are about being strong and organising everything as Jenny wanted it.  We all fly back to the UK tomorrow (Monday) and, following the required legalities and paperwork, Jenny will fly back on Tuesday where she will be met by our funeral directors and come home with me until final details have been decided amongst us.

There are too many people to thank individually so I won’t at this stage.  There are people who have contributed in many ways that touched both our hearts, and the level of generosity and support we have received over the last 4 years has been incredible and overwhelming.  Lance Armstrong once said, following his cancer battle, that he was one of the “lucky ones” – not because he beat the disease but because of how the disease changed him for the better.  It is only when you are in a similar situation to him that you fully understand the impact of this statement.  I truly believe Jenny and I were “lucky ones” in respect the cancer and I promised her that I would try my very best to continue my life in this vain.

I love you Princess and am so proud of you – Keep The Faith x

Categories: KTF | 1,046 Comments

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1,046 thoughts on “The Post I Hoped I´d Never Have to Write

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  1. Keith Garrity

    Really sorry to hear about your sad news, it’s so unfair. Thinking of you all, Keith, Karen, Jacob and Adam xxx

  2. Nicola and Keith Ashcroft

    To one of our bravest courageous friends Jenny, In memory of a true shining star who’s light will never fade. Rest in peace now Jenny, our thoughts are with your beloved husband, Andy and your family lots of love always and forever Nicola, Keith, Ethan and Leonie xxxx

  3. sally

    Dear Andy, my thoughts and prayers are with you and for Jen. Also Gemma, Jen’s mum and dad and all the KTF family. God Bless

  4. Dick and Cathy

    To friends and family: We were blessed to be friends with Jenny and Andy from their first to their last days in Germany. Please know that, to those of us who shared time with them at the clinic, Jenny and Andy have been the heart and soul of the place for all of their time there, and are loved by all of us. Their embrace of life, determination, positive spirit, humor and big hearts have been an inspiration and joy beyond words. They have taught us that hope and faith are not only for our own future, but are ways for all of us to live every day to the fullest, and to be a blessing and shining light to those whose lives we touch. Rest in peace with the Angels dear Jenny.

  5. Maxine

    There will never be a more inspiring couple then Jenny & Andy, you fought a tough battle together with courage and determination. A true friend who is an inspiration to say the least, im so happy I have known and been your friend for so long. Thoughts are with Andy who has been an amazing husband and best friend to Jenny and also Jenny’s mum, Gemma and families. Goodnight my good friend I love you XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  6. Ursula Graf

    Dear Andy, truly, my heart goes out to you in a big way even though I have never met you and Jenny. But it feels as if you two had been close friends to me as well as my daily companions during the last few weeks of Jenny’s valiant battle with her disease which were also the first few weeks of my daughter’s treatments at Dr. Herzog’s clinic. I have the deepest admiration for Jenny’s courage and for your own total dedication and engagement in her case. With writing your very informative and entertaining blog you have helped me and countless of other people to keep up our hopeful spirits. My hearfelt thanks and deepest condolences. I wish you strength for the difficult times ahead.
    Ursula Graf

  7. Maxine

    There will never be a more inspiring couple then Jenny & Andy you, fought a tough battle together with determination and courage. A true friend who was l

  8. Auntie Gooze

    Goodnight my beautiful, intelligent feisty, determined stubborn niece. I hope you and Joan are having a good catch up without all the pain of the last months. All our love to you Andy and our amazed admiration for your strength in supporting our Jen through all of this to her, now, peaceful place.

    Heartbroken, but so grateful to have had her in our lives for 36 years.

    Give our Gem, Hel and Cathy our love as well. Safe journey tomorrow.

    Auntie Gooze

    XX

  9. Niamh

    Such sad devastating news, Jen fought hard never losing faith but it wasnt to be….my love and condolences to Andy and all of Jennnys family and friends…Rest in Peace Jenny xxxx

  10. Tisha

    Andy, I am a friend of your Dads and just wanted to say how sorry I am. I have been constantly following your journey with Jenny and have total admiration for both of you. Thinking of you and your family at this sad time, thoughts and prayers are with you. xxx

  11. jan grundy

    very sad news r.i.p jenny xxx

  12. Ruth Williams

    Andy,
    We are so very saddened to hear Jen has passed away.
    We have read your blog daily since day 1 and hoped and prayed this day would never come.
    Jens courage has been amazing as has your devotion and care.
    Our thoughts are with you and your families at this sad time.
    Love Ruth & Adam xx

  13. Sally Sanderson

    Such sad sad news, Good night God blesss Jenny. xx

  14. Gail

    The saddest post on this blog x Thinking of you all at this awful time. I’m truly grateful for having the pleasure of meeting such a wonderful, courageous and determined young lady with such a loving supportive family and I’m heartbroken that you have lost your fight, Bubbles, but you’ll always remain a winner to the people that had the opportunity to meet and to get to know you.
    You’ve just walked on ahead of us Jen x till we meet again, all my love xxxxxxxx

  15. lesley furey

    so sorry to hear about Jenny, she will be missed by all who knew her,

    she fought a courageous battle with dignity, Gemma, Cath and Andy my heart goes out to you all.

    thinking of you

    Lesley Furey xxxxxxxx

  16. Dave Beck

    So very sorry to hear the sad news…Jenny is now at peace and i hope you Andy with the help of your lovely family will get through this…Always in my thoughts…..

  17. Janet fletcher

    Hi you don’t know me any I worked with Jenny in matalan and have been following this blog thanks to Jill Hamilton . I just had to write and say how very very sorry I am about Jenny’s passing she was a lovely kind girl and her smile lite up the room . God bless you all at this sad time you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  18. michelle jones

    Goodnight godbless, you have and will continue to be an absolute star, and your legacy lies in the testament of those you have left behind. A sad loss, warmest deepest thoughts to your husband Andy and devoted family x

  19. Jo

    Andy, words just seem so useless at times like these. I cannot begin to imagine how you, Cath or Gemma are feeling. You have been Jen’s rock for the last four years and no one could have done a better job than you in supporting her through this illness. You are an amazing man and should be truly proud of yourself.
    Jen, I can’t believe you’re gone! The last 4 years have been one long battle which you have fought with amazing strength and dignity, You are the bravest, strongest person I know and I’m proud to be your cousin.
    I hope you’re with my dad and you can look out for 1 another just like you used to!!
    Lots of love to you all
    Jo
    Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  20. Laura Oakley

    Andy
    I know I only met you briefly but I have heard so much about you and Jenny from Gemma, and been amazed by yours and Jenny’s strength and your love and devotion to her.
    I want to send you my upmost sympathy and support in your time of need. I know you are physically and mentally exhausted after the journey you have been through and so was Jenny. She is at peace now Andy and no longer in pain, and you did everything you could to make her passing as comfortable as possible. With time you will come to realize that you gave Jenny everything you could, because all she wanted was to be with you however this journey ended. So sad that it did end this way, but the memory of Jenny will never fade, you have immortalised her with this blog and with all the wonderful friendships you have made along the way. Jenny’s warrior princess roar will echo for a very long time.
    Thinking of you and sending you much love.
    Laura, Ellie, Anton and Will Oakley <3

  21. Such very sad news, thinking of you all, what a brave and lovely lady xxx

  22. Katie Bunker

    Thinking of you all at this sad time. Remember the good times and the love you shared. Xxx

  23. Ann

    Our beautiful daughter-in-law Jen is the strongest, most courageous and inspirational person we have had the pleasure of meeting. It is an honour to have her as part of our family as Andrew’s wife. Jen you are going to be greatly missed by us and will always be in our thoughts. No more pain or suffering for you now, we will always love you lots xx
    Andrew we are so so proud of you, your love and devotion to Jen is second to none. Nobody could have tried harder than you have to help Jen to get better. Jen is indeed your special Princess! Your blog has been an amazing piece of work which has kept us all so well informed of your journey with Jen and also we have had the priviledge of meeting some pretty special people who have now become your friends.
    We love you both dearly. Mum & Dad xx

  24. June

    Andy,
    I am a Christian and the love that You and Jenny had and You still have for Her will stay with you forever but….
    God saw Jen getting tired and a cure was not to be. So He put His arms around Her and whispered “come to me”
    With tearful eyes you watched and saw Her pass away, although you loved Her dearly, you could not make Her stay.Jen’s golden heart stopped beating, hardworking hands at rest….God broke your heart to prove to you ,He only takes the best…..”better than all the rest…she truely was..Jenny RIP…

    june xxxKTF….

  25. Iain, Emma and Michael

    To the strongest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
    Andy, Jen was truely amazing and taken far too soon from us all, obviously because
    God needed another angel!

    In the context of history, we are here for but a heart beat.  For some that beat is cut too short but it is remembered and cherished by all that knew them.

    For always

    Iain, Emma and Michael
    KTF xxx

  26. lauretta

    Such heart braking news to hear my most brave and inspirational friend, a truly special and wonderful person has been taken after such a long and courageous battle. Thinking of you Andy, sending you and your family my love and prayers xxxxxx

  27. Bill

    That light that shines amongst us
    That star that brightens our day
    Is the faith that Jenny showed us
    And is now with us to stay

  28. Julie behn

    So shocked and devastated. Words cannot begin to describe. Jenny was an amazing warrior and truly inspirational. Our thoughts love and prayers are with you all. The pain you must be feeling is unimaginable …..

    Rest in peace Jenny x

    All our love
    Julie Ben Joshua and Jessiica x

  29. Neil Glover

    I am so sorry for your loss,I cant begin to imagine how your feeling, you have my deepest sympathy, if there is anything I can do or help in anyway let me know. You have both been courageous and heaven is a little bit brighter today because of it.
    KTF

  30. Laura

    God only takes the best one’s, and jenny was truely vintage 🙂
    I hope knowing she is at peace, brings peace to you too, thinking of you all….
    No more pain jen, RIP beautiful lady, memories last forever
    lots of love laura mike & boys xxxx

  31. Romy Benedetti

    A friend who has passed can be even closer than a friend at hand-
    When you gaze at a stunning collation of stars from where you stand, it would be harder to appreciate the beauty of them if you are among them?

    It has been an absolute honour knowing you,
    You have a beautiful, wonderful and unique personality. Unlike anyone.
    Truly, I have never met a woman like you
    Your strength has taught me to be fearless, that you kept faith and hope when faced with the worst possible situation.
    We love you dearly
    I will never forget you, or the many smiles you put on my face
    Rest in peace you amazing, stunning woman x o x X x o x

  32. Lisa

    We new you both for only 1 week really and the impact that you both had on Dad and I were immense. Jenny’s courage, determination and belief were so inspiring and has helped Dad more than he can put into words, and as long as she could speak she always asked how you were, that kind of kindness and generosity of heart is out of this world. Jenny thank you so much. Andy your support for Jenny has been beyond the heart that most are given, you were both such a fantastic team. All of my heart is with you and all of the family. Walking around the clinic today the sadness feels palpable. All heart and love xoxoxo

  33. Nicky

    Jenny put up a Trumendous fight, she was so brave – but couldnt have keep going without the immense support from you Andy and her amazing mum & sister. This is really the saddest day I’ve felt in a very long time. God only knows what you are all going through – RIP and free from pain Jen… Andy if there is anything we can do don’t hesitate to ask. Stay strong and keep the faith!!! X x x x x x x x x

  34. Chris Davies

    Rest assured that in her dying, in her flight through
    darkness toward a new light, she held you in her arms
    and carried your closeness with her. And when she
    arrived at God, your image was imprinted on her
    joy-filled soul.
    – Molly Fumia

    God Bless you and your family xx

  35. Sarah

    The most heartbreaking of news. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Jenny was such an inspiration, her spirit will live on through the people who obviously loved her so very, very much. X

  36. Emma Rusling

    Our hearts are broken Andy but nothing compared to what you and her family are going through. You have been amazing to Jenny and the most amazing husband anyone could wish for. We all hope you would never have to write this post. Take care and be strong and we will see you soon. God bless Jenny……xx

  37. Sarah Nolan

    Warrior princess Jenny. I cannot find the words to say. RIP angel and KTF on the other side. Andy, you did all that you could and I am very proud of the man that you are. I am privileged to know you and to have known Jenny. You are both a shining example of true love amongst many other things such as great dignity and bravery. My thoughts and prayers are with you and all the family now and always. Stay strong for Jenny Andy and always KTF. Lots and lots of love xxxxxxxx

  38. cazralington

    Words cannot decribe how very sorry we all are to hear this news. Jen was an amazing, inspirational and wonderful woman who will be greatly missed by all who had the honour of knowing her.

    All our love
    Caz, Keith, Thomas and Emily
    xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  39. Carol Llewellyn

    This is the saddest News, so heart broken for you all, Jenny will be greatly missed and in all our thoughts and prayers Xxxxxxxxxx

  40. Rosie Clarke

    Andy, I’m so sorry to hear this. Jenny was an inspiration. I’m so happy you found each other. Thinking of you, your friends and families at this difficult time.

  41. Jane

    Words cannot express how we are all feeling at the minute Andy. It’s probably a mixture of pride for Jenny and how she managed her disease from the beginning. The deepest of sympathy and despair Andy for you, aunty Cath & Gemma and just an overwhelming feeling of loss and sadness at losing such a true inspirational cousin and friend. No one could have done anymore than you two did in battling the disease. You should be a very proud man Andy, we are all so very proud of you and Jen. KTF forever xxxxxxxxxxxxxx and an extra x for Jen

  42. June

    Andrew,
    You are truely amazing and one of life’s Heroes. Your dedication and Love for your Jenny will stay in your heart forever…your beautiful princess was the light of your life. Jenny’s inspirational strength and courage to fight and stay vital shall never be forgotten….we shall be changed by this Journey of Hope that we have all had the priveledge of being part of….for Jenny we shall “ALWAYS”…”KEEP THE FAITH”…
    Andrew in time you will live your life as Beautiful as your Lovely Princess Jenny would want you too, all that you have had together will stay precious inside you forever, that’s what will be worth Rembering….life continues as a journey….
    My dedication to Jenny..

    Remember
    BY CHRISTINA ROSSETTI
    Remember me when I am gone away,
    Gone far away into the silent land;
    When you can no more hold me by the hand,
    Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
    Remember me when no more day by day
    You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
    Only remember me; you understand
    It will be late to counsel then or pray.
    Yet if you should forget me for a while
    And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
    For if the darkness and corruption leave
    A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
    Better by far you should forget and smile
    Than that you should remember and be sad.

    Our deepest sorrow is expressed in our love and understanding for you Andrew…know that we care
    thinking of you in your sadness…

    June, Ron and all our Family
    xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  43. Jackie james

    I never knew Jenny as well as most other people who read and contribute to this blog but what I knew was that she was a kind and strong person and I am very glad to have known her xxx

  44. matthew nolan

    Andrew sending you the biggest love dude and respect ..you have been amazen … She’s now at peace mate …you have to k.t.f R.I.P Jenny xx xx xx xx

  45. Rebecca Dootson

    I am so sorry to hear the news. Such an inspiring, courageous young woman. Thinking of you all. xxxx

  46. Auntie Nancy

    Heartbroken for your both. Jen is continuing her journey with uncle Joe. Thinking of you . Auntie Nancy xxx

  47. Amanda Doran

    Just checked in for an update and it’s the post we wished you’d never have to write. Thinking of you all & sending you all lots of love at this awful time. Mandy & Alan xxxx

  48. Sophie Cocker

    Such sad news, thoughts are with you all. Jenny you will be the brightest star in the sky! Will always keep the faith! xx

  49. Jan

    So proud of Jen. She managed her illness with such courage and dignity. At peace now. Heart broken for you all. Jen was very blessed having such devoted family and friends. I have no doubt your continual love and support helped spur Jenny on throughout. Said a little pray lst night, told my dad to Look after Jen for us. God bless. Keep The Faith xxxxxx

  50. caroline jones

    just logged on for an update and seen the awful news. At least she is at peace now but i know that gives little comfort. As you know i lost my brother aged 34 3 years ago to this evil disease so i do know what you are all going through. thinking of you all xxxxx

    • Jill hamiltn

      Xxxxxxx

      • Andy I have just heard the sad news about jenny. so very sorry you have been so strong and brave, both of you. My heart goes out to you, Andy, and Jenny’s family too. God bless Jenny, ktfxx Dorothy Davenport

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