I am alone in the room that Jenny and I have shared for the past 9 weeks, writing this blog post. It is a post I hoped I’d never have to write, but over the last 3 months I’ve known deep down that writing it could be a very real possibility.
After nearly 4 years of courageous and inspirational fighting, my Jenny died at 5.30pm GMT yesterday (18th February) here at the clinic in Germany with Gemma, Cathy, Helen & I. I had rehearsed how this could all pan out many times, and my defence mechanisms had been sitting to one side in anticipation of her death – how I thought I’d feel and how I actually feel aren’t that different but very little prepares you for the physical and emotional rollercoaster that I’m experiencing right now – just about holding it together.
This will be the last time I’m in this room and it feels appropriate to spend it writing my final post here in Germany. It has been our home for the last 9 weeks and we have shared many happy times with tons of incredible people here and in some way I’ll miss it – it’s become a little bit of a home from home. I’ll blog more about this in a future post.
The next few days are about being strong and organising everything as Jenny wanted it. We all fly back to the UK tomorrow (Monday) and, following the required legalities and paperwork, Jenny will fly back on Tuesday where she will be met by our funeral directors and come home with me until final details have been decided amongst us.
There are too many people to thank individually so I won’t at this stage. There are people who have contributed in many ways that touched both our hearts, and the level of generosity and support we have received over the last 4 years has been incredible and overwhelming. Lance Armstrong once said, following his cancer battle, that he was one of the “lucky ones” – not because he beat the disease but because of how the disease changed him for the better. It is only when you are in a similar situation to him that you fully understand the impact of this statement. I truly believe Jenny and I were “lucky ones” in respect the cancer and I promised her that I would try my very best to continue my life in this vain.
I love you Princess and am so proud of you – Keep The Faith x